The Virginia election is over. It was consuming (for me, starting early 2009 when son Mike announced his bid for lt. gov.). It continues to dominate my thoughts (see http://virginianow.wordpress.com). But other things demand attention. So here, few and dear readers, they are:
Grandmotherhood is near (March), and where is a great place for a baby shower? And what about day care!!!???
A marriage (mine) ends after decades, quietly in the Wedgewood-blue Alexandria courthouse.
Love doesn't always look or feel like what we thought (or maybe it never does).
Abortion is a big issue in health care coverage. Will the Catholic bishops succeed in bullying Congress to exclude coverage for abortion - to codify the Hyde Amendment in law?
The NOW National Board struggles to keep it together in light of the election of new officers and differing ideas about what to do next. Younger feminists chafe at the attitudes of older fems - is this like a family meltdown, with daughters pissed at know-it-all mothers? Or is it not?
We learn (from the Shriver Report) that women are more than half the workforce - and we still don't have a family leave policy that makes sense (and what does the gut-wrenching stress of family-work demands do to marriages - and how does that relate to the high divorce rate?).
Turns out, yellow "summer" squash and zucchini can withstand near-freezing temperatures. Root vegetables like carrots and beets are fine throughout the winter but now I know I CAN garden above-ground into mid-November.
Sunshine and laughter are the best medicines.
We have to keep a close watch on the McDonnell administration!
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Breastfeeding - What's a Girl to Do?
Being in a room recently with two breastfeeding women - two gorgeous, glowing, healthy, happy moms - brought back memories of breastfeeding my own children. Not all warm and fuzzy. Cracked nipples (remedy: lanolin). Leaky boobs (remedy: get that babe sucking). Fear of falling asleep and crushing nursing baby (remedy: try to get more sleep?). At what age to stop (remedy: lots of people staring in disbelief). So it wasn't all milk and honey, although it was cheaper than canned formula, did seem to calm the colic, and aided in weight loss (mine). Didn't seem to affect the all-important breast shape much, either.
Some of the talk in that room was about the "normalcy" of breastfeeding. According to historians of the practice, it fluctuates, like the stock market - sometimes there's lots of women doing it, sometimes not. It's related to socioeconomic status, too - sometimes better off women favor it, sometimes poorer women do. Go figure.
A real shocker for me was a feminist friend who just had a baby - I asked if she was breastfeeding and she replied, "Do I look like a cow?" I thought for a feminist, breastfeeding would be natural. It's not. For this lady, who is devoted to her children, it's an imposition on her body and perhaps her life.
Breastfeeding has benefits. I fervently believe it contributes to lifelong health. I don't care what science says - or if it says anything at all (I have no idea.) It's nice to cuddle the baby, at least it was for me. I didn't have to hold up a bottle or prop one up (which I didn't like doing). I could doze off without fear. Less gas and burping than with a bottle. I didn't change my diet (although I didn't have a spicy diet to begin with). I never had to run out to buy more formula. I didn't have to buy anything - the milk was free (and how cool is that). I had two hands free (a bottle required using one hand).
Apparently contemporary disadvantages to breastfeeding (my children range from 25-36) include that many women are at work and can't spend so much time with their babies and that women want to have a life besides baby. For me, having a baby pretty much was a life. Breast pumps of course keep the whole breastfeeding enterprise flowing - or to be more accurate, they enable babies to have breast milk and mothers to have a job and a life.
And this was where the conversation in that room got interesting. Is it breast milk or breastfeeding that is important to baby and mom? I maintain you shouldn't separate them - except during the work day as necessary and occasional outings. But I'm out of step with the times, it seems. More young women consider the pump to be part of their breast - not an occasional respite or work-related necessity.
So many things are mechanized. Women's lives changed radically when automatic washers and driers became available - so, too, with frozen food and other labor-saving devices. And so, too, I guess, with the breast pump. Simpler - and removed from the human touch.
I prefer the old way, and I'm glad I did it and fortunate I could. I don't think it made me less of a feminist or disempowered me. I felt connected to something primal and universal - kind of earth mother-y. Feminine and a feminist. I think breastfeeding can make you happy.
(Note - One of the worst things that can be done to any woman is to make her feel guilty or unnatural or unfit because of her choices about how to give birth, whether to breastfeed, etc.)
Some of the talk in that room was about the "normalcy" of breastfeeding. According to historians of the practice, it fluctuates, like the stock market - sometimes there's lots of women doing it, sometimes not. It's related to socioeconomic status, too - sometimes better off women favor it, sometimes poorer women do. Go figure.
A real shocker for me was a feminist friend who just had a baby - I asked if she was breastfeeding and she replied, "Do I look like a cow?" I thought for a feminist, breastfeeding would be natural. It's not. For this lady, who is devoted to her children, it's an imposition on her body and perhaps her life.
Breastfeeding has benefits. I fervently believe it contributes to lifelong health. I don't care what science says - or if it says anything at all (I have no idea.) It's nice to cuddle the baby, at least it was for me. I didn't have to hold up a bottle or prop one up (which I didn't like doing). I could doze off without fear. Less gas and burping than with a bottle. I didn't change my diet (although I didn't have a spicy diet to begin with). I never had to run out to buy more formula. I didn't have to buy anything - the milk was free (and how cool is that). I had two hands free (a bottle required using one hand).
Apparently contemporary disadvantages to breastfeeding (my children range from 25-36) include that many women are at work and can't spend so much time with their babies and that women want to have a life besides baby. For me, having a baby pretty much was a life. Breast pumps of course keep the whole breastfeeding enterprise flowing - or to be more accurate, they enable babies to have breast milk and mothers to have a job and a life.
And this was where the conversation in that room got interesting. Is it breast milk or breastfeeding that is important to baby and mom? I maintain you shouldn't separate them - except during the work day as necessary and occasional outings. But I'm out of step with the times, it seems. More young women consider the pump to be part of their breast - not an occasional respite or work-related necessity.
So many things are mechanized. Women's lives changed radically when automatic washers and driers became available - so, too, with frozen food and other labor-saving devices. And so, too, I guess, with the breast pump. Simpler - and removed from the human touch.
I prefer the old way, and I'm glad I did it and fortunate I could. I don't think it made me less of a feminist or disempowered me. I felt connected to something primal and universal - kind of earth mother-y. Feminine and a feminist. I think breastfeeding can make you happy.
(Note - One of the worst things that can be done to any woman is to make her feel guilty or unnatural or unfit because of her choices about how to give birth, whether to breastfeed, etc.)
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Women Deserve Better Than Bob - Better Than Theocracy
Today's Washington Post (Sept. 2, page B 1-2) reports on my actions Sunday morning when I read the Post article about GOP gubernatorial candidate Bob McDonnell's "thesis." The Post said - correctly - I read the article at 11 am and was soon on my way to protest at a Women for McDonnell event in Fairfax, homemade poster in hand. (Just so you know - I also took a shower and had to pay $8 to get into that park.) They did not mention the insults and pushing and shoving of the pink tshirt-clad "Women for McDonnell" and one of their male companions to block my sign when the McDonnell van arrived. (And here I thought Republican women prided themselves on being lady-like.) Here's the article and the specific part about me:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/09/01/AR2009090103492.html?hpid=moreheadlines
"Countering McDonnell's efforts are those of women such as Arlington County resident Marjorie Signer, who serves as president of the Virginia chapter of the National Organization for Women. Signer said she read about McDonnell's thesis in the Washington Post at 11 a.m. Sunday and immediately left home to picket a Women for McDonnell rally at Lake Burke Park in Fairfax.
"Signer stood on the side of the road with a sign that read 'Women Deserve Better than Bob.'
'It is not a comfort to me that he has women in his staff or in leadership of his campaign or his daughters are working women,' she said. 'That is not comforting to me. I'm concerned about who he truly is in the sense of his worldview.'"
That image of me standing at the side of the road makes me seem like the lone, inevitably disshelved malcontents at the park by the White House, fighting for an obscure lost cause. Lesson: you talk to a reporter, you take your chances.
Nevertheless, they did quote me saying "worldview." What does that mean?
It helps to read the thesis
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/08/29/AR2009082902434.html . The whole thing. It's long.
About 5-8 pages in, I realized that this was a worldview consistent with that of theocratic Christians who want a religious state that abides by biblical principles (as they define them). I’ve done some research on this and also saw it in the Mark Earley campaign for governor, as well as in several other instances in Virginia. They are all consistent with Christian theocracy – which is hostile to modernity, pluralism, equal rights, women’s autonomy and of course hates homosexuality.
Reproductive rights is critical in this worldview because of the importance to Christian theocrats of male control of the family - and the state. Virginia has actually been a hotbed of Christian theocracy - and I'll be writing about that in future posts.
For now, it's sufficient to say that McDonnell is the antithesis of the freedom, equality and justice that NOW and our social justice allies stand for. He may have changed his opinion about a law or a specific policy position since he wrote his thesis but his worldview remains what it was - that of a Christian theocrat with a specific worldview based on biblical principles (as defined by theocrats) that put men at the head of the family and the state. Don't take my word for it - read the thesis. Anyone who believes in equality in any way should take this very seriously and should work to defeat McDonnell.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/09/01/AR2009090103492.html?hpid=moreheadlines
"Countering McDonnell's efforts are those of women such as Arlington County resident Marjorie Signer, who serves as president of the Virginia chapter of the National Organization for Women. Signer said she read about McDonnell's thesis in the Washington Post at 11 a.m. Sunday and immediately left home to picket a Women for McDonnell rally at Lake Burke Park in Fairfax.
"Signer stood on the side of the road with a sign that read 'Women Deserve Better than Bob.'
'It is not a comfort to me that he has women in his staff or in leadership of his campaign or his daughters are working women,' she said. 'That is not comforting to me. I'm concerned about who he truly is in the sense of his worldview.'"
That image of me standing at the side of the road makes me seem like the lone, inevitably disshelved malcontents at the park by the White House, fighting for an obscure lost cause. Lesson: you talk to a reporter, you take your chances.
Nevertheless, they did quote me saying "worldview." What does that mean?
It helps to read the thesis
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/08/29/AR2009082902434.html . The whole thing. It's long.
About 5-8 pages in, I realized that this was a worldview consistent with that of theocratic Christians who want a religious state that abides by biblical principles (as they define them). I’ve done some research on this and also saw it in the Mark Earley campaign for governor, as well as in several other instances in Virginia. They are all consistent with Christian theocracy – which is hostile to modernity, pluralism, equal rights, women’s autonomy and of course hates homosexuality.
Reproductive rights is critical in this worldview because of the importance to Christian theocrats of male control of the family - and the state. Virginia has actually been a hotbed of Christian theocracy - and I'll be writing about that in future posts.
For now, it's sufficient to say that McDonnell is the antithesis of the freedom, equality and justice that NOW and our social justice allies stand for. He may have changed his opinion about a law or a specific policy position since he wrote his thesis but his worldview remains what it was - that of a Christian theocrat with a specific worldview based on biblical principles (as defined by theocrats) that put men at the head of the family and the state. Don't take my word for it - read the thesis. Anyone who believes in equality in any way should take this very seriously and should work to defeat McDonnell.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
A Sabbath Prayer for Secularists
Amidah
Let these words
Of my mouth
Be sound
The creations
Of my heart
Be light
…Bless what forces us to invent
goodness every morning and what never frees
us from the cost of knowledge, which is
to act on what we know again and again.
All living are one and holy, let us remember
As we eat, as we work, as we walk and drive.
All living are one and holy, we must
make ourselves worthy.
We must act out justice and mercy and healing
as the sun rises and as the sun sets,
as the moon rises and the stars wheel above us,
we must repair goodness.
We will try to be holy,
We will try to repair the world given us to hand on.
Precious is this treasure of words and knowledge and deeds that moves inside us,
Holy is the hand that works for peace and for justice,
Holy is the mouth that speaks for goodness
holy is the foot that walks toward mercy.
Let us lift each other on our shoulders and carry each other along.
Let holiness move in us.
Let us pay attention to its small voice,
Let us see the light in others and honor that light.
Remember the dead who paid our way here dearly, dearly
and remember the unborn for whom we build our houses,
Praise the light that shines before us, through us, after us, Amen.
Marge Piercy
Let these words
Of my mouth
Be sound
The creations
Of my heart
Be light
…Bless what forces us to invent
goodness every morning and what never frees
us from the cost of knowledge, which is
to act on what we know again and again.
All living are one and holy, let us remember
As we eat, as we work, as we walk and drive.
All living are one and holy, we must
make ourselves worthy.
We must act out justice and mercy and healing
as the sun rises and as the sun sets,
as the moon rises and the stars wheel above us,
we must repair goodness.
We will try to be holy,
We will try to repair the world given us to hand on.
Precious is this treasure of words and knowledge and deeds that moves inside us,
Holy is the hand that works for peace and for justice,
Holy is the mouth that speaks for goodness
holy is the foot that walks toward mercy.
Let us lift each other on our shoulders and carry each other along.
Let holiness move in us.
Let us pay attention to its small voice,
Let us see the light in others and honor that light.
Remember the dead who paid our way here dearly, dearly
and remember the unborn for whom we build our houses,
Praise the light that shines before us, through us, after us, Amen.
Marge Piercy
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
The ERA Is BACK - and Baby, It Is Hot (Hopefully)!
My friends who are passionate about the Equal Rights Amendment are unyielding on the subject - we have to have it. I fear a backlash - no, I predict a backlash. Worse, I predict lack of interest, especially among young women who have no idea what it was like before the women's movement took on discrimination, harassment and all the other little things that demean women (we now call them sexism). [Does this mean I will be stripped of my feminist credentials?] On the other hand, I've seen people get really excited that it's back - even younger women, who haven't experience the kind of discrimination their mothers did but nevertheless get that it's crucial to have constitutional protection of all their rights. We might thank George W. Bush for showing them how bad it can get.
In solidarity and in trust of the judgment of those I respect (ie, Ellie Smeal and Virginia NOW women who fought so hard for the ERA in the 80s), I will do everything I can to support the ERA in Virginia - either the three-state strategy of picking up the remaining three states (including Virginia) needed to move the amendment to adoption or the new bill that was introduced July 21 to start all over.
This photo was taken at the press event to announce the new ERA bill, with Carolyn Maloney of NY presiding. Carolyn is a terrific advocate for women and her book is chock full of good information. Jerry Nadler and Sheila Jackson-Lee also gave a huge boost to the cause, although we need some moderate voices - please god, send us a Republican or two with feminist cred to get behind this bill. Terry O'Neill did a good job representing NOW - on her first day as national president. Many thanks to LuAnn Smith for taking photos.
In solidarity and in trust of the judgment of those I respect (ie, Ellie Smeal and Virginia NOW women who fought so hard for the ERA in the 80s), I will do everything I can to support the ERA in Virginia - either the three-state strategy of picking up the remaining three states (including Virginia) needed to move the amendment to adoption or the new bill that was introduced July 21 to start all over.
This photo was taken at the press event to announce the new ERA bill, with Carolyn Maloney of NY presiding. Carolyn is a terrific advocate for women and her book is chock full of good information. Jerry Nadler and Sheila Jackson-Lee also gave a huge boost to the cause, although we need some moderate voices - please god, send us a Republican or two with feminist cred to get behind this bill. Terry O'Neill did a good job representing NOW - on her first day as national president. Many thanks to LuAnn Smith for taking photos.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Talking About Sex
We need more talk about sex. Funny coming from me - I never uttered the word vagina until I saw the Vagina Monologues in my 50s (which basically forced me to say it). Did I ever willingly talk about sex to my kids? I shuddered at sex-talk in movies. Clapped my hands over my ears. But once I started talking - relatively recently - it was easy to say all sorts of words that I hadn't said. (What's hard is trying not to get hung up on those words - italicized here. Gotta be an adult.)
A couple of things triggered these thoughts. One was the story the other day about the British goverment issuing a pamphlet recommending sex for teens and for older people as healthy, good exercise, fun. The British?? Exemplars of stiff upper lip. Another was watching the HBO series on John Adams on DVD - the sexual relationship that he and Abigail had was so happy. And they were so horny when they spent time apart. And the July 21 Politico story about those miserable hypocrites in the C Street "Christian fellowship" house - John Ensign, Zach Wamp - and their soulmates, Larry Craig, Mark Foley, David Vitter, Mark Sanford. And their upright enablers - Tom Coburn, Sam Brownback. What's the fellowship about, exactly? Protecting adulterers?
Mostly, though - and here's the feminist bit - it was reading Jessica Valenti's Full Frontal Feminism that did it. I'm reading this book to try to figure out what Third Wave feminists think. So far as I can tell, it's the same as Second Wave Feminism- but bolder, raunchier and definitely with lots more sex. And the more sex words she used, the more I got comfortable.
Jessica and Wave 2 share concerns about reproductive rights, workplace issues (pay and job equity), violence, gender stereotyping, outrageous physical excesses such as obsession with body image (make-up's ok if you like it), politics (get women elected and good men), global issues such as CEDAW, all that stuff NOW and Fem Majority hammer away at all the time. (Did I miss it - no mention of the Equal Rights Amendment. That would be a big departure from Wave 2.)
But Jessica is much more into sex. Major endorsement of masturbation as a sexual norm. Funny piece about words for masturbation. Major section on cultural perversions such as "Girls Gone Wild." Lesbian sex is fun to try, even if you're not lesbian. Feminism makes for better sex, she says - because feminists are into themselves and their bodies and feel (like men) that anything is good in search of an orgasm. (As an aside - this is funny - the mega-bestseller author Nora Roberts says, "a day without [French] fries is like a day without an orgasm.” Make of that what you will.)
Jessica says:
"Feminism tells you it's okay to make decisions about your sexuality for yourself." She also stresses - be responsible.
"And perhaps most important, feminism wants you to have fun. Sex isn't just about having babies after all, despite what young women are being taught."
And this: "Full frontal feminists make sure you can get off."
Now I may be wrong but I really can't recall a NOW conference where we talked about sex in that way, with such enthusiasm. But as I said, I can't recall - so it certainly could have happened before I got involved or I just could have missed it. There was one great Arlington NOW meeting around Valentine's Day where we did a great quiz about love and sex -very pro both. That was fun. But bitching about abortion rights and such isn't talking about sex.
So maybe in re-energizing and re-organizing NOW, we need to talk about sex. Have talk-about-sex parties. Have sex advisers. Share sex tips. Talk sex. Not abortion - not sex ed - SEX.
It would be fun. Like sex, fun is good for you!
A couple of things triggered these thoughts. One was the story the other day about the British goverment issuing a pamphlet recommending sex for teens and for older people as healthy, good exercise, fun. The British?? Exemplars of stiff upper lip. Another was watching the HBO series on John Adams on DVD - the sexual relationship that he and Abigail had was so happy. And they were so horny when they spent time apart. And the July 21 Politico story about those miserable hypocrites in the C Street "Christian fellowship" house - John Ensign, Zach Wamp - and their soulmates, Larry Craig, Mark Foley, David Vitter, Mark Sanford. And their upright enablers - Tom Coburn, Sam Brownback. What's the fellowship about, exactly? Protecting adulterers?
Mostly, though - and here's the feminist bit - it was reading Jessica Valenti's Full Frontal Feminism that did it. I'm reading this book to try to figure out what Third Wave feminists think. So far as I can tell, it's the same as Second Wave Feminism- but bolder, raunchier and definitely with lots more sex. And the more sex words she used, the more I got comfortable.
Jessica and Wave 2 share concerns about reproductive rights, workplace issues (pay and job equity), violence, gender stereotyping, outrageous physical excesses such as obsession with body image (make-up's ok if you like it), politics (get women elected and good men), global issues such as CEDAW, all that stuff NOW and Fem Majority hammer away at all the time. (Did I miss it - no mention of the Equal Rights Amendment. That would be a big departure from Wave 2.)
But Jessica is much more into sex. Major endorsement of masturbation as a sexual norm. Funny piece about words for masturbation. Major section on cultural perversions such as "Girls Gone Wild." Lesbian sex is fun to try, even if you're not lesbian. Feminism makes for better sex, she says - because feminists are into themselves and their bodies and feel (like men) that anything is good in search of an orgasm. (As an aside - this is funny - the mega-bestseller author Nora Roberts says, "a day without [French] fries is like a day without an orgasm.” Make of that what you will.)
Jessica says:
"Feminism tells you it's okay to make decisions about your sexuality for yourself." She also stresses - be responsible.
"And perhaps most important, feminism wants you to have fun. Sex isn't just about having babies after all, despite what young women are being taught."
And this: "Full frontal feminists make sure you can get off."
Now I may be wrong but I really can't recall a NOW conference where we talked about sex in that way, with such enthusiasm. But as I said, I can't recall - so it certainly could have happened before I got involved or I just could have missed it. There was one great Arlington NOW meeting around Valentine's Day where we did a great quiz about love and sex -very pro both. That was fun. But bitching about abortion rights and such isn't talking about sex.
So maybe in re-energizing and re-organizing NOW, we need to talk about sex. Have talk-about-sex parties. Have sex advisers. Share sex tips. Talk sex. Not abortion - not sex ed - SEX.
It would be fun. Like sex, fun is good for you!
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Thank you...
to people who leave comments. I'm thrilled - and flattered - you check out this blog. I'll try to post comment-worthy stuff, nothing trite, no party-lines be they political or social. Let me know what you think.
"Stand By Me"
I've listened to this about a thousand times. It doesn't get old. I love the dad dancing with his daughter, the old man, the stone-faced Moscow cellist, the intense Dutch calypso artist, the dreamily in-sync South Africans. Visualize the tune connecting us all. Feel the hope. (In case you think I'm losing my bitchy edge, as it were- why aren't there more women in this?) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Us-TVg40ExM
Sexist Joke of the Day
With thanks to the wonderful Paula of Martinsville for passing this on - and a profound thought - I have to be able to laugh at myself - how about you?
A 16-year-old boy came home with a new Chevrolet Avalanche and his parents began to yell and scream, 'Where did you get that truck???!!!' He calmly told them, 'I bought it today.' 'With what money?' demanded his parents. They knew what a Chevrolet Avalanche cost. 'Well,' said the boy, 'this one cost me just 15 dollars.'
So the parents began to yell even louder. 'Who would sell a truck like that for 15 dollars?' they said. 'It was the lady up the street,' said the boy. I don't know her name - they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Chevrolet Avalance for 15 dollars.'
'Oh my Goodness!,' moaned the mother, 'she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what's going on.' So the boy's father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias! He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a new Chevrolet Avalanche for 15 dollars and demanded to know why she did it.
'Well,' she said, 'this morning I got a phone call from my husband. (I thought he was on a business trip, but learned from a friend he had run off to Hawaii with his mistress and really doesn't intend to come back). He claimed he was stranded and needed cash, and asked me to sell his new Chevrolet Avalanche and send him the money. So I did.'
Are women good or what?
A 16-year-old boy came home with a new Chevrolet Avalanche and his parents began to yell and scream, 'Where did you get that truck???!!!' He calmly told them, 'I bought it today.' 'With what money?' demanded his parents. They knew what a Chevrolet Avalanche cost. 'Well,' said the boy, 'this one cost me just 15 dollars.'
So the parents began to yell even louder. 'Who would sell a truck like that for 15 dollars?' they said. 'It was the lady up the street,' said the boy. I don't know her name - they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Chevrolet Avalance for 15 dollars.'
'Oh my Goodness!,' moaned the mother, 'she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what's going on.' So the boy's father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias! He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a new Chevrolet Avalanche for 15 dollars and demanded to know why she did it.
'Well,' she said, 'this morning I got a phone call from my husband. (I thought he was on a business trip, but learned from a friend he had run off to Hawaii with his mistress and really doesn't intend to come back). He claimed he was stranded and needed cash, and asked me to sell his new Chevrolet Avalanche and send him the money. So I did.'
Are women good or what?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
