Talking About Sex

We need more talk about sex. Funny coming from me - I never uttered the word vagina until I saw the Vagina Monologues in my 50s (which basically forced me to say it). Did I ever willingly talk about sex to my kids? I shuddered at sex-talk in movies. Clapped my hands over my ears. But once I started talking - relatively recently - it was easy to say all sorts of words that I hadn't said. (What's hard is trying not to get hung up on those words - italicized here. Gotta be an adult.)

A couple of things triggered these thoughts. One was the story the other day about the British goverment issuing a pamphlet recommending sex for teens and for older people as healthy, good exercise, fun. The British?? Exemplars of stiff upper lip. Another was watching the HBO series on John Adams on DVD - the sexual relationship that he and Abigail had was so happy. And they were so horny when they spent time apart. And the July 21 Politico story about those miserable hypocrites in the C Street "Christian fellowship" house - John Ensign, Zach Wamp - and their soulmates, Larry Craig, Mark Foley, David Vitter, Mark Sanford. And their upright enablers - Tom Coburn, Sam Brownback. What's the fellowship about, exactly? Protecting adulterers?

Mostly, though - and here's the feminist bit - it was reading Jessica Valenti's Full Frontal Feminism that did it. I'm reading this book to try to figure out what Third Wave feminists think. So far as I can tell, it's the same as Second Wave Feminism- but bolder, raunchier and definitely with lots more sex. And the more sex words she used, the more I got comfortable.

Jessica and Wave 2 share concerns about reproductive rights, workplace issues (pay and job equity), violence, gender stereotyping, outrageous physical excesses such as obsession with body image (make-up's ok if you like it), politics (get women elected and good men), global issues such as CEDAW, all that stuff NOW and Fem Majority hammer away at all the time. (Did I miss it - no mention of the Equal Rights Amendment. That would be a big departure from Wave 2.)

But Jessica is much more into sex. Major endorsement of masturbation as a sexual norm. Funny piece about words for masturbation. Major section on cultural perversions such as "Girls Gone Wild." Lesbian sex is fun to try, even if you're not lesbian. Feminism makes for better sex, she says - because feminists are into themselves and their bodies and feel (like men) that anything is good in search of an orgasm. (As an aside - this is funny - the mega-bestseller author Nora Roberts says, "a day without [French] fries is like a day without an orgasm.” Make of that what you will.)

Jessica says:
"Feminism tells you it's okay to make decisions about your sexuality for yourself." She also stresses - be responsible.

"And perhaps most important, feminism wants you to have fun. Sex isn't just about having babies after all, despite what young women are being taught."

And this: "Full frontal feminists make sure you can get off."

Now I may be wrong but I really can't recall a NOW conference where we talked about sex in that way, with such enthusiasm. But as I said, I can't recall - so it certainly could have happened before I got involved or I just could have missed it. There was one great Arlington NOW meeting around Valentine's Day where we did a great quiz about love and sex -very pro both. That was fun. But bitching about abortion rights and such isn't talking about sex.

So maybe in re-energizing and re-organizing NOW, we need to talk about sex. Have talk-about-sex parties. Have sex advisers. Share sex tips. Talk sex. Not abortion - not sex ed - SEX.

It would be fun. Like sex, fun is good for you!